Dealing With Separation

Being known as the greatest city college in the U.S., SBCC has gained so many students from different parts of the country and different parts of the world. Education is a huge part of each and every one of our lives and that's why some of us decide to pack up our things and try to get the best opportunities that we can. But when happens when homesickness settles in and you're missing your family, friends and just the comfort of your own home? You're in a foreign place, you've just learned what State Street is and frankly, you're just confused about what your purpose is for being here in Santa Barbara.

Chey & Friends @ Fiesta

Chey's Friend who is attending UCLA

I, on the other hand, spent the last 6 and a half years living here in Santa Barbara with my family. Attending Goleta Valley Junior High and Dos Pueblos High School, I made an insane amount of such dear friends, but the majority of them moved away to do the same thing that so many people come here for: get a better education. By mid-September, loneliness crept in and I was essentially homesick in my own home. Thoughts crossed my mind such as: "How am I going to make new friends now?" or "What are my weekends going to look like now?" Beginning in mid-August, my friends were slowly trickling out of Santa Barbara, which gave me the chance to adjust to them being gone. But even then, that didn't help with coping at all.

Chey & Friend: Last Hangout

Chey & Friend: Polaroid Pic

I went through the well-known 5 Stages of Grief:

1. Denial – I began to wonder what my real purpose here in Santa Barbara was as well. Why isn't anything making sense for me? Why couldn't I just get over the fact that my friends were all in different cities now?
2. Anger – Everyone's having so much fun where they are at and I'm stuck here doing absolutely nothing. It's worthless, a waste of my time, I just don't understand.
3. Bargaining – Then I thought, "Well, maybe this is the right choice, right? Even if we're all spread out, I'll get to see them during Winter Break. I mean, I've only got a couple months of school then a whole month of break to kill."
4. Depression – I think this stage is the one that hit me the hardest. I found myself missing a lot of the memories I spent with my closest friends, what we used to talk about and all of the good times. I never thought of my family, how lucky I was to be living in a city where so many people can only wish to visit, let alone live here. I was being completely and utterly selfish and fell into a sort of unexplained sadness. I drowned myself in isolation and used all types of distractions to relieve me of the thoughts that everyone else was moving on in their lives when I clearly didn't realize that I was moving on as well.
5. Acceptance – After all of the agonizing rush of emotions, I've finally come to a conclusion that the choices I made were the best choices for ME. Of course these individuals matter to me and of course I'm going to miss them. Although it's not the same as seeing them in person, technology has become so advanced that we can see each other via a cell phone or any device with a camera and microphone. In the long run, I'm going to appreciate the encouragement I got from my parents to attend the beautiful SBCC, I'll appreciate all of the friends that I've made here and most of all, I'll be appreciative of myself for being confident enough to stick with the choice that I have made. Live your life for you because in the end, you want to be proud of the decisions you make and the roads you take.

Don't let the idea of leaving home intimidate you. Opportunities are laid out right in front of you, you just have to be strong enough to grab them and run. There will ALWAYS be obstacles, but those are there to help you grow and learn to take advantage of them. We're all given an adventure and some time in our life, we're just going to have to live it so why not live it now?

See you next post,

Chey

Currently listening to Free Fallin' by John Mayer