I'm So Emotional

So, it's December, everyone!

I just remember waking up this morning, turning off my alarm only to stare at my phone re-reading the word "December". I had so many mixed emotions run through my mind—and that may be due to the pressure of finals week—which was so weird for a Thursday morning. As a lot of my fellow transfer peers' know, the deadline to apply for CSUs and UCs were last night at 11:59 P.M. and I think so many of us are burnt out from the semester that we feel so much relief when we see the date December 1st. I couldn't make out my feelings though.

I kind of caught myself off guard because just one week ago, I was exclaiming how excited I was to leave Santa Barbara and finally start on my journey of independence (rent, bills, buying your own groceries... doesn't that sound like such a jazzy time). But as I read my e-mails congratulating me on applying to the various schools, my heart sank a little. I KNOW it's going to sound cheesy and cringe-y, but without realizing it, I have already started my journey and the fact is I was so ungrateful that I didn't even take the time to embrace and enjoy my life as much as I should have. Let's take a flashback to this blog: Dealing With Separation. At this point, I was so lonely and felt like I wasn't going to be anybody in college. I was determined that I was going to sit in class, keep to myself, do work, go home and be by myself. That was no way to look at life.

If you asked me last year what kind of student I aspired to be, I would have simply answered, "One that can transfer ASAP." But me NOW? I'd pour out all kinds of cheesy jargon and feelings about how much I love my school and how much Vaquero pride I have. So I woke up feeling guilty in addition to relief; sad because my third semester here would end next Thursday, anxious because of finals, supported because the friends I've made here will send me encouraging text messages at the dead of night, and happy because my journey will take a new turn soon. I just really love SBCC, haha.

Oooookay, let's pause here before I enter the twilight zone of feelings, but I think I'm just really worked up for the holidays and the fact that we'll have five weeks of break.

 See you next post,

Chey

Currently listening to Simple Life by Casey Abrams